Gottman's four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationships are which four behaviors, and what is a recommended repair strategy for addressing Criticism?

• A. Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling; repair strategy: use a gentle startup to address concerns without blame
• B. Contempt, Defensiveness, Withdrawal, and Blame; repair strategy: ignore the concern
• C. Praise, Empathy, Patience, and Humor; repair strategy: regular appreciation
• D. Anger, Jealousy, Distraction, and Withdrawal; repair strategy: avoid discussing issues

Answer: (A)

In Gottman’s framework, the four horsemen are patterns of interaction that predict relationship trouble: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. When criticizing, the recommended repair is a gentle startup, which means starting the conversation in a calm, nonblaming way, focusing on a specific behavior and its impact rather than attacking the person. This helps lower the other person’s defensiveness and invites cooperation rather than escalated conflict. For example: “I feel overwhelmed when the kitchen is left messy after a long day, and it would help me if we could tidy up together for 10 minutes tonight. Could we try that?” This approach shifts the issue from character judgment to collaborative problem-solving, making it more likely the concern will be heard and addressed.